The problem is a lot of people, even the ones that know the truth (that the profit comes from the CDs, the conventions, and so on and NOT the product) are so steeped in denial and the lies that are repeated over and over that they believe what they’re saying. It’s an amazing case of double-think, where they can say A in one sentence, then B in the next and literally not understand that the two contradict each other. While it may seem like a strong word, brainwashing is appropriate and accurate in this case. They have been brainwashed to believe all this stuff.
Now the hard part, and what is important to accept, is that they really do believe all this and that you cannot tell them anything and expect them to believe it. They are brainwashed into believing that this is the only way they’ll ever reach the point of being wealthy and that the alternative is to have a miserable life working 40 hours a week for 40 years.
The blogs like this also target people in your age blog because many don’t have the experience to know what a load of crap the business is.
We know that you can’t tell these people (as in those brainwashed and, essentially drones who do whatever their upline tells them to do) anything about “the business.” The current thinking is that questions may work. We haven’t seen evidence it makes a difference, but the idea is to try to raise questions in their mind that may make them rethink some of the brainwashing. In this case, one thing that I’d bring up is that he told you he was a Platinum, but you know he wasn’t and he later said they teach to “speak it into being.” So how does he know what his upline are, in reality? It might go like this:
You: “I’m confused about something in your business.”
You: “You told me that you’re supposed to speak something into being, which is why you said you were Platinum when you weren’t yet and cash loans from fueloans.com (404 error now!) remember that?” (Of course he’ll remember )
You: “So what I don’t get is how do you know, when other people say where they are, that they’re not doing the same thing?” Let him stew on that and see where you can probe and what you can do to probe deeper. Then you might get to the point where you can say, “But if this is what THEY tell you to do, then how can you be sure they aren’t doing the same thing?
Do it GENTLY because any time anything like that comes up, part of the fear on their end is that you can later say, “I told you so!” They have to be clear that you’re NOT setting them up to see the business as bad, just that the focus is on this one small part.
Now on to the other parts of your story.
As for marrying him, I’m not big on some of the traditional models of marriage – the idea that the wife stays home and takes care of the kids while the man goes out and makes a living. However, I do think it’s important that both partners hold up their share of the relationship, emotionally, financially, and so on.
I don’t want to judge your relationship, but I can tell you that there are a few things you will be expected to do if things continue. You will be expected to play the part of the dutiful, adoring, supportive, and admiring wife. This means going with him when he shows “The Plan” and sitting quietly, looking up at him with admiration because you’re just so proud and tickled pink and how wonderful he is and how great his success is. The pressure will be on you, more and more, to become the kind of wife they want you to be.
This is not a blog that admires or respects, or even understands individuality. They fear it. They want all their IBOs to think the same way, to talk the same way, to follow the same rules, and so on.
This also applies to their families. They have this image of all their IBOs doing well and having a community where all the families are like those in “Leave it to Beaver,” except much more church oriented and all are super-wealthy. Look at how his upline and everyone involved is and look at how they have, already, started to put pressure on you to be the way they want the wives of the IBOs to be.
It’s important to consider this. Ask yourself if you see any reasonable chance that he will leave this on his own. Do you think it’s likely he’d leave the business without him reaching utter failure and being abandon by them if he can no longer spend the money on the tools that enrich his upline? Consider this. I’ll touch on this again, later.
Now here’s one of the most important points: money you inherit. I don’t know the laws in PA. I do know in VA that whatever I inherit, whether before or during a marriage, is MINE. I can’t lose it in a divorce. If I move out of VA, THEN get divorced, I could get taken for everything my Father has already left me (and I’m not married yet). Since that is tied in with my Mother and Sister (I won’t go into it here), I *have* to get a prenup if I ever get married again.
In your case, you MUST do everything you can to protect any inheritance. Remember that it’s quite possible that you can have it all in bank accounts and trust fund in your name, but that he might get your PIN or find other ways to access the account, but not strictly legally. He has been brainwashed to believe the end justifies the means and the end is him being so wealthy he can easily afford to take care of you and your daughter in style for the rest of your lives, so that would, in his eyes, make it acceptable for him to take $50, then $100, then a few thousand, and so on, from any of your accounts in the name of taking care of you and his “family.”
In other words, do NOT marry this man yet. He has not yet proven he can take care of his own needs by himself, much less contribute on a fair basis to a joint household that includes him contributing his fair share to your daughter’s needs — and that includes not just financial, but emotional as well. If you do marry him, you are in danger of losing all you could inherit to him. Another point is what’s happened with his bank account. You want to keep your finances separate from him because he is going to have to deal with the results of what he’s done for a long time.
The best chance of getting him out of the business is for him to be broke and to have no money to spend on the tools. When that happens, they all will drop him like a hot potato. Their sole purpose of keeping him in and befriend him is because all the money he spends on tools is making his upline wealthy. While they have different ways of putting it, they are trained to drop someone once they stop spending money on tools. They measure someone’s commitment to the business based on how much money they spend on the tools. Basically, their love is bought and the more one spends, the more they love him.
So now I’m going to ask you a number of questions about yourrelationship. These are to give you a few things to think about in terms of just what is going on and what kind of situation you are in.
What does he do to help with your child? Does he ever change diapers, feed her, or do anything else to take care of her? How about housework? In other words, how much of his life is going to his job, then doing “the business?” Is he so caught up in this that he’s not contributing to anything else?
What I’m asking or suggesting you evaluate is if he brings anything to your relationship or takes from it. Is he just another burden on you while you’re doing most of the work of raising a child on what amounts to your own, or is he giving to the relationship?
If he’s not contributing much, you may be better off moving out and living on your own. Then you don’t have to fight over finances, you can focus on your work and child, and he is left to his own devices. If he ends up not paying the rent and getting evicted, it’s not your problem at all. (You’ve already seen that he doesn’t care about these things because he knows you will take care of it when he won’t.)
The idea in doing this is it helps in 2 ways: 1) It keeps you from enabling him by letting him spend his money however he wants, then expecting you to fill in the gaps and pick up what he won’t take care of, and 2) If he is not contributing to the relationship and you’re essentially raising your daughter on your own, then it won’t make a difference whether you’re living with him or not and it’ll remove the distractions he’s causing. It lets you get some distance from “the business” and will let you see how eager he is to see you and make time
I know my reasoning sounds cold, but I’m quite concerned that he may be in so deep that it’ll take a serious crash for him to understand what is happening. If that’s the case, what I’m suggesting lets you back off and let him crash. It’s not easy, it certainly is tough love, but as long as you give him emotional and financial support (or even stay silent and let him continue), then he’ll keep going, living on thу dreams of what his upline has brainwashed him with. The idea is to isolate him from everything but the business and let him see what happens when it all falls apart — which, from what I hear about his financial situation, is already happening. And one other point: if you do move out and he gets evicted, do NOT let him move in with you until he’s seen what’s actually going on.
We are here to help and you’re going to get a lot of different viewpoints you’ll hear from us. I’ll admit some might say I’m a pessimist, but I think I’m being pragmatic. I’ve seen the brainwashing first and and even after having worked years in residential treatment, was not prepared for how deep this brainwashing and conditioning goes.
Please, understand we are here if you have questions, need to vent or just need to ask for emotional support.